We begin while going down the 401 at 100 klicks (okay, 110. Fine, 120. Are you happy now?!), and, as you do, focusing less on my driving and more on what was happening in my head. That is, a blooming existential crisis about… um… Holidays. All of them. Of course, that’s not where the thought started; it took a nose-dive while I was considering the small toy I’d just bought for Tracy’s cousin’s Easter basket. And then I started to wonder what exactly Playmobile has to do with Easter. Of course the only conceivable next thought was: what does anything we do on any of the Holidays have to do with the actual Holiday? Are Christmas and Easter Christian holidays? Are they secular holidays? Both? Commercialist free-for-alls? Yeah. Starting to feel the panic yet? So here’s where I really started to take off; when I have children, what will we do on Christmas? Or Easter? Will we go to church together? Will we tell them the related Bible stories? Will we buy them lots of gifts? I mean… I’m not huge on commercialism, even if I am at times guilty of it. But, the thought that really clung on was that one about two sentences ago, with the Bible stories. I just um… Okay. Lets really begin this post.
I have a problem with Christmas and Easter somewhat because money/gifts/blah blah blah, but mostly because I am not in love with religion. Yeah. I love church. I love church people. I love church events. I love church gatherings, and open spaces and potlucks and youth group sleepovers and ALL OF IT. Except just one… Little… Tiny… The religion part. I don’t like that part. I mean, okay, fine, I like the concept of Jesus, especially of the Jesus found in Mark. But that’s about it. The Old Testament is so… Petty. And the New Testament is so… Jesus-y. I like a down to earth, rebellious, badass, human, Jesus. Not one who ‘lives in me’. Not, erm, not one who represented God. Because when it comes to there being a God? Turns out I’m agnostic. And It’s not like I even have a good story about ‘my journey’; I’ve just thought about it. A lot. And I’ve concluded I’ve probably been mostly agnostic since around age 5 (“Do you believe in God?” “I don’t know.” – actual conversation @ age 5). I don’t know if there’s a God. But I am 100% committed to being entirely unwilling to fight for either side. So. Back to the Holidays part; I’m having a damn hard time figuring out why I celebrate Christmas and Easter, what the F do they represent to me? The only thing I can come up with is that these are days to be with your family, and have a big meal; but a big meal in honour of what?! And, why? Here we go, circling again… I guess it just feels like so many Holidays are empty of meaning, and today I learned that that bothered me a lot. So, I guess that’s all, I like ya’ll a lot, and, um, Happy Easter?
Grumble note; Why couldn’t I have been born Jewish? Their Holidays are PACKED with meaning. And Latkes.
hlyle 